Forgetting how to lockdown: Baking tiger loaf and watching Sour King

Steve Allen.

Steve Allen forget how to cope with lockdown - Credit: Steve Allen

Here we are again. I had hoped that in 2021, I could go back to writing about the strange news items that we can all smile at and no one is harmed by.

Much like the news this week of a man who was arrested by West Midlands Police, who smuggled a samosa between his non-facial cheeks because he was worried that there’d be no nice food in the police station.

Police food might be worse than that samosa before you hid it but it’s better than the samosa when you get it out.

I feel sorry for the samosa, who must have thought: “What am I doing here? I’m about eight hours ahead of schedule.”

If that were the biggest news in our lives, we could have had a great start to the year. Sadly, we are back talking about a lockdown.

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I’d forgotten how to cope with lockdown restrictions. I remembered that it was something to do with baking and watching Netflix but I even got that wrong. I made a tiger loaf and tried to watch an episode of Sour King.

We were warned that we may have to face a January lockdown to pay for the freedoms of Christmas but we didn’t get any of those festival treats. When we heard rumours that restrictions could be tightened I wasn’t sure how. We were in Tier 4. Unless they stopped me going into my kitchen, I felt like they couldn’t make it harder on us.

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Going from a Tier 4 Christmas straight into a lockdown New Year didn’t give me time to prepare. I didn’t even get time to panic buy or to book up all the food delivery slots.

Right now, the arrested man in the West Midlands isn’t looking so stupid after all.

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