Opinion: Just waiting for my results

Steve Allen has done a Covid antibody home test.

Steve Allen has done a Covid antibody home test. - Credit: Steve Allen

Typing this is harder than usual.

Not in an emotional way. This isn’t going to be a column about my ill father again. It is harder to type because I have just stabbed myself in my ring finger and little pinkie.

I’ve taken a coronavirus antibody test. For £60 you can see if you have already had the illness. I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea. A few months ago I could afford to splash £60 on random purchases but since the lockdown has paused my stand-up comedy career I have been making my living by performing live video shows on YouTube every Tuesday and Thursday evening at 9pm. It’ll take approximately most of 2020 to earn that £60 back but, seeing as I am saving money on haircuts and soap, I thought I’d risk it.

Doing the test feels like you’re about to perform surgery only you don’t have to wear a mask, which is one of the few things you can do these days without wearing one. I did mine in the kitchen. There’s a risk that you will spill some blood everywhere and I eat my steaks rare so my kitchen is used to it.

You have to get the blood pumping before you start. They recommend doing a little exercise and then washing your hands in hot water. Alright, Mum! I get the hint.

Filling the tube with your own blood takes a while. Remember, I’m northern, so there’s a chance that mine is thickened with gravy, but the body doesn’t want to give it up. You end up squeezing your finger like you’re trying to get the last bit of toothpaste out.

I have sent the sample off and now I wait for the results. Fingers crossed. Ouch!