This is a face worth hiding

I have given in to the pressure and bought a face mask. You may see me looking like a character from Mortal Kombat walking around the Downs.

I don’t know why I was so reticent. I was worried about how I’d look. I know what you’re thinking, “Steve, it’s OK to have pride in your appearance but the more of your face you cover the more attractive you become.” Thank you.

Wearing a mask is strange to us, so it was always going to take a while to get used to. In the past it was mainly highwaymen and bandits who had them. Those are two groups that most of us don’t want to be seen to belong to.

Now we’re all wearing masks I feel a little sorry for the bank robbers. In the old days if you walked into a bank in a mask people knew what you were there for. Now that we’re all bemasked they must have to queue up for ages to get to the cashier they want to rob.

I don’t feel too sorry for them though, if they’re robbing a bank they’re breaking lockdown rules.

The first problem I found with this new way of dressing is that they’re all sold as “one size fits all”. I can tell you from trying on hats that boast the same, and looking at a baby being born, not all heads are the same.

The mask covers my nose and mouth but the elastic brings my ears out to the side like a Martin Clunes tribute act. That’s OK, if anything it improves my hearing, which is important when you’re trying to stay alert.

The other problem is that the face mask makes burping less fun. But I am happy to be helping to keep people safe. It gives me pride. You should see the look on my face.