Comedian: 'Well done panic fuel buyers, you’ve made oil companies richer'

Before you accuse me of being a panic buyer and come at me with lit torches - which you shouldn’t do because my car is full of petrol - I wasn’t panic buying. I was one of the poor fools who was buying.

I was on the last bar on the fuel gauge and had a stand-up comedy gig to get to. It’s amazing how far I have to travel to find somewhere that will book me.

Steve Allen insists he wasn't panic buying when he filled his car up with petrol (Image: Steve Allen)

I’d normally get petrol on the way to the gig. The reason I had a nightmare journey was everyone else.

Jean-Paul Sartre had clearly been queuing for petrol before he wrote that: “Hell is other people.”

That’s from a play he called No Exit, so he took that from the sign by the entrance too.

What caused the run on the petrol stations? Some of them had seen a few deliveries delayed the day before but if we are honest, the panic buying was caused by the warning not to panic buy.

The thought that someone else might be panic buying something we’re not is enough to send some people out hunting.

The thing is, you can’t stockpile petrol. While loo roll can sit in the spare room for months waiting for its chance at the bit time, petrol is a highly flammable liquid that evaporates.

What has the surge in demand brought about? An increase in the price per litre at the pumps.

Well done panic people, you’ve made the oil companies richer.

I was hoping someone would help out the oil companies. Their marketing people have probably realised that all they have to do to make a few extra million is put out a sign on their forecourts that says: “No panic buying.”