This sunny self-starter has delivered an album for ad execs – or your three-year-old, says Stephen Moore.

The Lancastrian singer-songwriter Stephanie Kirkham has spent the nine years since her sophomore LP painting and writing.

Hopefully she concentrated on the former, because this clutch of songs seem to be levelled at pre-school listeners and ad execs in search of harmless jingle-fodder.

She’s certainly on to something, though; in Easy As 123 Kirkham sounds like a lobotomised Lily Allen, which turns out to be just what EDF Energy and Peugeot were looking for in their European ad campaigns. She also counts Miracle-Gro, that bastion of musical integrity, as a client.

So, perfect for Pampers, We Got It Covered nicks the beat from Mungo Jerry’s In The Summertime, and Happy Ever After will save the Little Tikes execs some time with its giggling tot sampled amid the aural candy-floss.

Tambourine-and-ukelele strummer Beautiful Day (‘Blue skies all the way, it’s a beautiful day’) is tailor-made for Thomson Holidays, and Persil might be interested in the mind-numbingly sunny If I Could (‘The clothes on the washing line are all dancing in time’).

There might even be an office bunfight between the Always towels camp and the Flixonase nose spray team over Bon Voyage (‘Just what you need, a little sunshine/Let your worries go, ba ba baa’).

Painfully lacking in musical sustenance.

Rating: 1/5